It was a cold winter day, when I forced you away,
For the warmth of another.
My love dissipated, my soul was again mated.
We were just a bad fit for each other.
You fought until I let it unleashed, a foul beast.
I really did tell you it was over.
If only you had accepted this, maybe there wouldn't be so much to miss.
You needed to let me go.
There's a place in my heart where you're trapped, even though I thought it already mapped.
My arms are hostile ground, my eyes a trap to be bound.
I can't love you, I love him.
7/27/10
6/3/10
Undertow by Timbaland
I don't wanna talk now
I don't wanna hear you scream no more
Want somebody to save me
Everything I do feels like its wrong
All we do is fall down
even though we try to stay afloat
I swear its gonna kill me
even though you think it wont
So why rock a boat and make waves
And everything's coming okay
So why am I confused if you love me
Thought this would be smooth sailing
Cause I don't wanna let you go
and we're caught in the undertow
Cause I ain't losing my control
And we're caught in the undertow
I hold the prayer is all our own
but we need air we go alone
cause I don't wanna let you go
til we're caught in the undertow
I don't wanna cry every time we try it never fails
Change the direction wanna be close set for sail
My hearts in your hand don't you go hurt me again
all we got is one chance and its sink or swim
So why rock a boat and make waves
And everything's coming okay
why am I confused if you love me
Thought this would be smooth sailing
Cause I don't wanna let you go
and we're caught in the undertow
Cause I ain't losing my control
And we're caught in the undertow
I hold the prayer is all our own
but we need air we go alone
cause I don't wanna let you go
til we're caught in the undertow
And the world is rising
And the world is rising
And the world is rising
And the world is rising
Cause I don't wanna let you go
Through the crowd in the undertow
And I'm losing my control
Through the crowd in the undertow
And I don't wanna let you go
But we're caught in the undertow
And I'm losing my control
Though we're caught in the undertow
Our only prayer is all our own
We both need air we go alone
Our only prayer is on our own
We both need air we go alone
Cause I don't wanna let you go
I don't wanna let you go
Cause we're caught in the undertow
I don't wanna hear you scream no more
Want somebody to save me
Everything I do feels like its wrong
All we do is fall down
even though we try to stay afloat
I swear its gonna kill me
even though you think it wont
So why rock a boat and make waves
And everything's coming okay
So why am I confused if you love me
Thought this would be smooth sailing
Cause I don't wanna let you go
and we're caught in the undertow
Cause I ain't losing my control
And we're caught in the undertow
I hold the prayer is all our own
but we need air we go alone
cause I don't wanna let you go
til we're caught in the undertow
I don't wanna cry every time we try it never fails
Change the direction wanna be close set for sail
My hearts in your hand don't you go hurt me again
all we got is one chance and its sink or swim
So why rock a boat and make waves
And everything's coming okay
why am I confused if you love me
Thought this would be smooth sailing
Cause I don't wanna let you go
and we're caught in the undertow
Cause I ain't losing my control
And we're caught in the undertow
I hold the prayer is all our own
but we need air we go alone
cause I don't wanna let you go
til we're caught in the undertow
And the world is rising
And the world is rising
And the world is rising
And the world is rising
Cause I don't wanna let you go
Through the crowd in the undertow
And I'm losing my control
Through the crowd in the undertow
And I don't wanna let you go
But we're caught in the undertow
And I'm losing my control
Though we're caught in the undertow
Our only prayer is all our own
We both need air we go alone
Our only prayer is on our own
We both need air we go alone
Cause I don't wanna let you go
I don't wanna let you go
Cause we're caught in the undertow
5/31/10
Chemical Annihilation
What do you do when you are watching someone die slowly, and it's their own fault? Do you take over and demand they change things, or wait until they realize it themselves? I worry that the less I say, the closer he will come to complete annihilation. This life that he lives, has no structure, only alcohol.
He breathes it.
He lives for it.
It's replacing everything of importance in his life.
Even me.
I miss him already.
He breathes it.
He lives for it.
It's replacing everything of importance in his life.
Even me.
I miss him already.
5/22/10
A little something I wrote for a friend.
In disaster, and in war,
It is the soldier who keeps screaming for more.
Amid blood and tears,
Gazing hopelessly into past mirrors.
It is she who will be promised,
Everlasting happiness, by life itself, she will be kissed.
It is the soldier who keeps screaming for more.
Amid blood and tears,
Gazing hopelessly into past mirrors.
It is she who will be promised,
Everlasting happiness, by life itself, she will be kissed.
4/6/10
Flame to Ice
Broken love affairs
Shedding tears, like he cares.
Beaten down again, typical story.
Day dreaming of a perfect man was kind of corny.
So I stopped dreaming, and shut down inside.
Frozen and frigid, wouldn’t notice if you were by my side.
This cold, this darkness, it enveloped me.
It’s how I came to be.
Lock down, caged up, beaten alive.
Lost thoughts rushing about like a busy hive.
None I would share.
I thought nobody would care.
I spent a year in isolation of my own desire.
To loneliness I did retire.
With eyes closed tight, and a lock on my heart.
It was beginning to tear me apart.
It was then, an unexpected surprise did come.
Arriving at a friend’s home.
A fire, so brilliant, so bright, so warm.
You assured me you meant no harm.
So used to these misused words, repetitive in lies,
I melted a little, and turned to gaze into your eyes.
Glacial melting, global warming, you unfroze me.
Your smile was the key.
Slowly, I found myself smiling back, a distantly familiar gesture.
With you, there was no pressure.
These natural motions, this humanity came back,
I dropped the painful baggage, like a filthy sack.
You are the fire to my ice, the key to my heart,
It pains me to be apart.
So tell me, will you hold my heart to yours and treasure it?
Or throw it to the dogs in the pit?
Do not be another of Hades soldiers,
Don’t shrug me off with broad shoulders.
Don’t beat me down, crush me with theatrics
Don’t try to fool me with devilish tricks.
My heart isn’t something easily given,
With a clear head I am driven.
There are no rose colored glasses in my world.
Around your finger you could have me curled.
I’d rather stand by your side, hand in mine.
On earth we have limited time.
No one else I’d rather share it with.
I thought love was a myth.
Shedding tears, like he cares.
Beaten down again, typical story.
Day dreaming of a perfect man was kind of corny.
So I stopped dreaming, and shut down inside.
Frozen and frigid, wouldn’t notice if you were by my side.
This cold, this darkness, it enveloped me.
It’s how I came to be.
Lock down, caged up, beaten alive.
Lost thoughts rushing about like a busy hive.
None I would share.
I thought nobody would care.
I spent a year in isolation of my own desire.
To loneliness I did retire.
With eyes closed tight, and a lock on my heart.
It was beginning to tear me apart.
It was then, an unexpected surprise did come.
Arriving at a friend’s home.
A fire, so brilliant, so bright, so warm.
You assured me you meant no harm.
So used to these misused words, repetitive in lies,
I melted a little, and turned to gaze into your eyes.
Glacial melting, global warming, you unfroze me.
Your smile was the key.
Slowly, I found myself smiling back, a distantly familiar gesture.
With you, there was no pressure.
These natural motions, this humanity came back,
I dropped the painful baggage, like a filthy sack.
You are the fire to my ice, the key to my heart,
It pains me to be apart.
So tell me, will you hold my heart to yours and treasure it?
Or throw it to the dogs in the pit?
Do not be another of Hades soldiers,
Don’t shrug me off with broad shoulders.
Don’t beat me down, crush me with theatrics
Don’t try to fool me with devilish tricks.
My heart isn’t something easily given,
With a clear head I am driven.
There are no rose colored glasses in my world.
Around your finger you could have me curled.
I’d rather stand by your side, hand in mine.
On earth we have limited time.
No one else I’d rather share it with.
I thought love was a myth.
4/5/10
Krishnu and the Apple.
In Krishnu we trust
In God we must.
Temptation grows
Our hearts grow fonder.
Belief in the unjust
The design a test
Life is sin, as death is faith
Death we bathe
Life we are filthied
Love is an elixier
In his eyes he has picked her
Untamed like a creek in the grove
The wrong apple they chose
A bond broken and renewed
Raw emotion like meat upon a fire
Drips through your soul
Infiltrated by the taps of a beat
Inspired by thus
Once.
Twice.
Don't stop.
In God we must.
Temptation grows
Our hearts grow fonder.
Belief in the unjust
The design a test
Life is sin, as death is faith
Death we bathe
Life we are filthied
Love is an elixier
In his eyes he has picked her
Untamed like a creek in the grove
The wrong apple they chose
A bond broken and renewed
Raw emotion like meat upon a fire
Drips through your soul
Infiltrated by the taps of a beat
Inspired by thus
Once.
Twice.
Don't stop.
3/22/10
Crow's Nest of Remorse
When I think of pain, I think of my own experiences. I think of the friends I have lost, the terror in their eyes as they realized that death was upon them, and there was nothing they could do. I also think of my years in the hospital, buried under breathing apparatuses and suffocating under a sea of medications and experimental treatments. I remember how much it tore me apart to watch the men I have loved walk away. There are many instances of such pain I do recall, and I shudder with the memories.
The type of pain that clutches at me tightly, makes it hard to breathe and brings forth tears that seemed to be pulled by invisible lines through my forehead, is the pain of others. I cannot stand to watch someone cry, knowing the unbelievable strain upon their heart is tearing them apart.That I cannot reach inside their chest cavity and rip that remorse from them, and then wipe their tears away. All I can do is hold them, hope to hold them together so that they can have the strength the face another day.
I read another blogger's post today, where she spoke of her pain over losing her husband, and how her children were dealing. I found myself in tears and wishing I could each through the screen and take away her pain. Why is it that so many people are so involved in their own plights, that they fail to see the world's? This woman spoke of herself briefly, but the majority of her post was focused on her children. I found it uplifting and inspiring.
Thank you.
The type of pain that clutches at me tightly, makes it hard to breathe and brings forth tears that seemed to be pulled by invisible lines through my forehead, is the pain of others. I cannot stand to watch someone cry, knowing the unbelievable strain upon their heart is tearing them apart.That I cannot reach inside their chest cavity and rip that remorse from them, and then wipe their tears away. All I can do is hold them, hope to hold them together so that they can have the strength the face another day.
I read another blogger's post today, where she spoke of her pain over losing her husband, and how her children were dealing. I found myself in tears and wishing I could each through the screen and take away her pain. Why is it that so many people are so involved in their own plights, that they fail to see the world's? This woman spoke of herself briefly, but the majority of her post was focused on her children. I found it uplifting and inspiring.
Thank you.
3/1/10
Beautful Fake and Ugly Reality
Something none of us want to admit that we care about, that runs our existence. Its something that affects everyone, whether you are a hermit or a first class hoochie momma. What we own, what we can afford, categories us, and defines the person we are. Is that what we all want? To be defined by what we are wearing, what brand you have the most of, or what toys you have? What happened to two people coming together and conversing about things that truly matter? What happened to the actually important issues, rather than being controlled by the profit we make?
Our existence should be about living, truly living. Reveling in the simplistic pleasures that the world offers. Such as a spring rain fall soaking you, making you remember that you are ALIVE. Instead we are inside all day, clacking away at our keyboards, our skin growing pale and our stomach's too full. Even I am guilty of this. There are days that I wake up and remember that I could be dead tomorrow, that I am wasting my precious time.
As the weeks pass, I realize that I slowly am awakening again, my eyes slowly tearing open to the world around me. Sometimes it takes something real to come crashing into your world, to make you see that everything around you is so fake, and begin that search to find reality again.
So tell me, will you stay in your fake plastic world of happiness;
Or will you awaken and push through the ugliness of reality to find true beauty in the world we are wasting?
Our existence should be about living, truly living. Reveling in the simplistic pleasures that the world offers. Such as a spring rain fall soaking you, making you remember that you are ALIVE. Instead we are inside all day, clacking away at our keyboards, our skin growing pale and our stomach's too full. Even I am guilty of this. There are days that I wake up and remember that I could be dead tomorrow, that I am wasting my precious time.
As the weeks pass, I realize that I slowly am awakening again, my eyes slowly tearing open to the world around me. Sometimes it takes something real to come crashing into your world, to make you see that everything around you is so fake, and begin that search to find reality again.
So tell me, will you stay in your fake plastic world of happiness;
Or will you awaken and push through the ugliness of reality to find true beauty in the world we are wasting?
1/9/10
Who She Is.
Born in the warm season of summer, soon to be nineteen. I exist. Summer is when I am whole, and complete. You cannot go fishing, or camping in the great outdoors in the dead of winter. You cannot dirtbike, or learn to, or climb the rocky face of Comox Lake. The water is bitter and cold in the cold hours of the day, where as in summer, it's refreshing. Long story made short, I am miserable in winter. I am not the kind of girl that is impressed by a flashy restaurant ( though it's nice to go out!)or a flashy car. Take me to a place I've never been before, where sweat is the blood I seek. Miles above everyone else, hiking through the unknown, with you by my side will impress me more. I need a man who can keep up with me, but will not complain when I fall behind ( the likelihood of that) I am currently employed by a doughnut king company, full time, but no complaints. I seek to become a fictional/ documentary writer, as always been my dream. Nothing makes me happier than to capture the essence of something, with my own constructive thoughts, and being able to share it with someone, and bring them to where I was. I also want to become a behavioral psychologist, learning more about the race I am apart of. I am always yearning to learn, but sometimes I hesitate if I think I will do badly. Yes, I am a perfectionist.
Most importantly, I Am Canadian.
Most importantly, I Am Canadian.
1/1/10
Why hello there
..why hello there. We met before? If not, then hello, I'd like to introduce myself. The name is Devon, though you may know of me by the name of Mayrin. First and official, though not always favorable. Now that we know each other, Happy New Year, 2010; :)
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